When I was Little, my Father was Famous

I seriously thought my dad was famous when I was kid. When I was with him, it seemed like everywhere we went, everybody knew him. Hell, when I traveled the city alone, everyone told me how much I looked my dad. Can you imagine teachers and coaches, the lady in bank, the mother (and father) of a girl you're dating all see your dad first when they look at you? I watched other kids light up when my dad came around, his energy instantly picks up any room he enters and there were many young men in whose lives he became actively involved. I don’t have the best father. I don’t have the worst father. I have my father and I’m thankful for who he’s been to me and others over the course of my nearly 35 years.

Of course there are times when I’ve wanted him to be like fathers I saw in my neighborhood or even on TV, but that wasn’t him and it wasn’t us. Thank God, because had he been like James Evans, we would’ve been broke. Instead, I had to share my dad with the city we lived in, hundreds of other kids, the Mets, the Knicks and those damn 49ers!  But you know what, it’s made me a better man; his life helped to shape many of my passions and discover worlds many don’t know exist. Whether it was free chicken at KFC, talking a security guard into letting us into the Niners’ locker room or sneaking behind the rope to introduce ourselves to Magic Johnson, it’s always an adventure with my dad.

My mother did a great job of never complaining or criticizing my dad and always stopped me short when I fixed my mouth to let my heart’s disappointment out. She constantly reminded me that he loved me and was always there when I needed him to be. I didn’t know the difference between needs and wants when it came to relationships back then; I had a stepfather who was involved in my life, my great-grandfather taught me lessons I could never apply in the way he did and countless teachers, coaches and mentors all supplied me with the tools necessary to have success in life. Perhaps my dad was too immature to be the father I wanted when I was kid and I was too selfish to understand that he needed to be who he was for so many others at the time.

Our relationship has undergone many transitions through the years, as we’ve adjusted to where we were as men at any given moment, but the love between the two of us never wavered. He was there when I needed to get to the emergency room after complications following surgery and kept talking through his fear as I lost a large amount of blood. He was there when a glitch in PSE&G’s billing left me in the dark on the 4^th of July one year and his life has been a consistent reminder to enjoy everything we have. I try to imagine who I would be if I wasn’t my father’s son and it’s hard to fathom me without his influence. When I was little, my father was famous; as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized he’s just a man.

What more could I ask him to be?

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No New Friends? No, No, No.

I swear I hear “no new friends” coming out of the walls these days. The latest mantra coined by Drake is just as annoying and misguided as the last (YOLO), because when uttered by someone who hasn’t made $25 million dollars and ascended to the top of an industry ripe with leeches and parasites, it really sounds kind of silly. In many cases, the folks shouting “no new friends” have demonstrated a lack of mobility and engagement that undoubtedly will expose you to people with whom you may not only connect with, but develop meaningful relationships.

True, I’m still down with my “day one” Niggas, I have a group of friends that date back to before my memory begins, but I’ve also picked up friends at every significant stage in my life. I’m a firm believer that our friends represent the diversity in the components that make us; that being said, they should reflect where you’ve been in life, be a testament to your attempt at growth and the expansion of who you are. Naturally, the friends I grew up with are not in my life day in and day out, because our paths have led us in separate directions and the responsibilities we’ve taken on through the years don’t necessarily allow the time to kick it, doing nothing like we did as teenagers. Our relationships have matured and become just as complex as we are as men, which necessitates the formation of new friendships, because fellowship is encoded in our DNA.

Now, quite a few of my relationships have suffered through the years, mostly due to distance. However, I’m not speaking geographically, but the distance between two humans at any given time. This distance is usually created when one person is stuck in a certain environment or moment, while the other continues to progress or seek growth until the gulf widens enough for both parties to realize the friendship has disintegrated. I left quite a few “friends” chasing dreams of being Nino Brown or an eternal teenager as I matured and my focus narrowed on a more adult vision of life.

The advent of social media has created an erroneous environment of engagement that more than giving a false sense of friendship, gives us more than an occasional glimpse as to why many friendships have become so strained. I don’t know about you, but it’s difficult to maintain a relationship with someone that uses Facebook as a platform to share porn, air out their dirty laundry or even worse, their delusional view of themselves. These “connections” are superficial at best, but do allow the space for friendships to continue in a capacity that doesn’t allow people to truly force themselves in your day-to-day life, but still feel connected based on your level of sharing.

Many of my closest friends have come along in my adult years, because who I am closing in on 35 is far removed from who I was at 15, even 25 and those relationships reflect that progression and just where I’ve been in the twenty years since I had a nappy afro and only wore American Eagle or Champion t-shirts.The relationships I’ve maintained with my childhood friends have adjusted to where we are as we’ve reached our mid-30’s, phone calls and texts, hanging on occasion or plans to do something on a grander scale that often fall through because life gets in the way from time to time. On the other hand, there are cats still standing on the same blocks where I left them, screaming “no new friends”. More important, many of their lives scream “no new experiences” and isn’t that what life is supposed to be about?

Perhaps it’s just my personality; I’ve never found difficulty in making new friends or bringing people into my life, at a distance or on an intimate basis. Conversely, I know plenty of people who are so guarded and jaded that the trust required for forging or maintaining friendships just doesn’t exist and as a result, neither do healthy friendships. In the same way that living by the YOLO (You Only Live Once) meme was flawed because it damn near encourages bad decisions, not opening yourself up to new friendships can severely restrict the world you’re exposed to. I don’t know about you, but that’s not the way I’ve lived my life to this point and I don’t plan to start now. 

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A Penny for Your Time, a Dollar or Five for Someone's Life

The night before I started tenth grade my mother called and gave me the worst news of my life; my grandmother was diagnosed HIV positive and from that moment, my entire family lives changed. A little over three years later my aunt Danielle was forced to tell me what she couldn't  my grandmother had lost her fight with AIDS. Once again, my family’s lives were changed. Twenty years ago AIDS was a death sentence, but there have been remarkable strides in awareness, education, research and treatment that have reduced rates of new infections and provided a better quality of life to many of those fighting this deadly virus.

Two years before my grandmother’s diagnosis, Magic Johnson revealed to the world that he was HIV positive and nearly 22 years later, he continues his fight to educate the world while he’s created an empire away from sports. Magic’s story is not my grandmother’s story. Nor is it the story most of the one million people living in America with HIV or AIDS. The fear attached to HIV/AIDS has decreased through the years; in part because of the triumphs Magic has continued to achieve since his announcement and partly because of the advancement in treatment through the years. We've grown through the infantile stages of the virus and for some reason the stigma associated with it seems to have dissipated with the years. Yes, people with HIV and AIDS are living longer, but that’s no cause to continue to engage in the high-risk activity that may expose you to the disease.

According to the CDC, there were 80,000 new cases of HIV/AIDS in 2011 and African-Americans accounted for half of the newly HIV infected. For our community, the fight never ends; we must continue to educate ourselves and others about the dangers of HIV and AIDS, as well as continue to be a voice in the conversations about awareness, research and treatment. Organizations and websites such as, Greatherthan.org, AIDS.org, UNAIDS.org, the Red Cross and any thousand others are valuable resources to arm yourself with the latest stats, research and ways for you to get involved.

My family has continued the fight we started with my grandmother twenty years ago and subsequently other family members by starting the Delia Mae Gordon AIDS Foundation, through which we intend to raise awareness and money for research and education. Tomorrow (May 5^th), we’re participating in New Jersey AIDS Walk 2013 and we’re asking for your help. You can join the thousands walking through Branch Brook Park in Newark or the remaining locations (Atlantic City, Asbury Park, Morristown or Ridgewood), find an AIDS Walk near you at AIDSwalk.net or support our team here. Additionally, you can spread the word and live responsibly, be most importantly, do something!

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Surrealism: Bilal Releases "A Love Surreal"

You don’t listen to a Bilal album, you experience it; the latest experience comes courtesy of A Love Surreal, a suite of songs that tug and poke at your emotions until you’re completely enthralled by his amazing vocals and the depths of his lyrics.

Anyone who’s experienced 1st Born Second,Airtight’s Revenge or managed to get their hands on  Love for Sale is familiar with being drawn deeply into the music and navigated through story after story in a way that leaves you breathless and wanting once the album has completed.

A Love Surreal doesn’t disappoint in its poetry or refusal to compromise to what R&B is currently being defined as. Instead, Bilal (who produced 11 of the 14 songs) retains complete creative license over his trademark sound and continues to produce music that relates to the depths of relationships, the crust of society and not just the party and bullsh*t on your FM dial.

Read the rest on EURWeb...

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