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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Instead of Treated, We Get Tricked

This year Halloween fell on a weekend; so while you’re out with the kiddies trick or treating, getting yourself in costume for parties or just because you’re a big kid, a few folks that masquerade for a living are putting the full-court press in motion for a big day. Yes, politicians are out for more than candy as Election Day nears and the TV ads are tripled, lawns a littered with signs showing their support and your vote is courted.

The importance of each election since Barack Obama took office in 2008 has increased while the attention Black America pays has dropped like interest in a new Nelly album. Here in Jersey last year, we slept in on Election Day and as a result Chris Christie became governor and each day folks open the paper cringing as news of cuts in budgets and services are reported. The races this year have been pretty tame and not on the national radar as they are in other states such as New York, Delaware, California, Florida, Pennsylvania and Alaska of all places.

Republicans and Tea Party Republicans will tell you that America is losing its way. That liberal spending is tearing at the fabric at the country, that the bank bailout, auto industry bailout and healthcare overhaul are destroying the American dream. Seriously, they say these things and in the next breath say things like African-American males will rather turn to dealing drugs than find jobs. Yeah, that was Illinois Senate candidate Al Reynolds, a Tea Party candidate. That’s a major difference over the last two years, the emergence of the Tea Party and their public leader Sarah Palin. These extreme conservatives are looking to restore America at the expense of progress, diversity and the poverty line.

In Delaware, Tea Party candidate for Senate Christine O’Donnell has enjoyed a slice of the celebrity that thrust Sarah Palin into the mainstream two years ago and for many of the same reasons…being dumb as hell! I’m not talking about the clips making their rounds on the net with her talking about witchcraft or masturbation; I’m speaking about her inability to answer questions about Supreme Court decisions, thinking it’s all about her and not the issues and trying to use her beauty to endear her white male constituency. Dumb broads like this we need expelled from the country as they are unfit to read to five-year olds, let alone represent entire states. Yet, that’s the low we’ve stooped to in a country that has brought Sarah Palin to our attention and pretty soon to our television, while creating divisions within the GOP.

The biggest issue this year is the Democrats looking to keep control of the House as the Obama backlash has reached epic proportions and the GOP is gaining with the intentions of stalling the progress of 2008. An expected low turnout among young and Black voters is expected to hand the House of Representatives back Republicans, simply because folks think the work was done by voting for Obama, but we know that wasn’t the case at all. Maybe if a stimulus plan was in place for voting or it seemed like the thing to do or if Jay-Z made a song, your cousins will get out to vote.

In New York, Andrew Cuomo Jr. and Carl Palladino square off to lead the state, but it was Jimmy McMillan of The Rent is too Damn High Party that stole the show at a recent debate. While in Florida, Kendrick Meek has been answering more questions about supposed pressure to drop out of the election from former President Clinton in the last few weeks. On the verge of bankruptcy, California is finally voting to replace Schwarzeneggar, with a candidate that has spent nearly $80 million on her campaign, while Democrat Jerry Brown has simply said he’s looking to right the ship. Questions, no answers (are there ever?), but one thing’s for sure, two for certain, you need to get out to vote Tuesday!
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Hump Day Song of the Week: Rose Royce "Love Don't Live Here Anymore"

I hope Kody Brown never doesn't have to sing this four times...

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I'm Disappointed in America: Sister Wives


A day off from work has its consequences on occasion. For instance, Monday I was home flipping through the channels at a particularly dry period of TV programming and came across a show named “Sister Wives”. If you’ve never seen this show, don’t worry, it’s a reality show based around a family in Utah that has some very unique circumstances, Kody Brown is married to three women, courting another and housing up to 16 children.

Yes, they are on some Big Love ish! Brown claims he let the cameras in to help bring some understanding to the stigmas and stereotypes associated with polygamy. It all sounds like exploitation of his family and greed to me. I guess I shouldn’t expect anything different these days, but this is what we’re doing? The entire clan may end up facing charges because bigamy is illegal, though Papa Kody claims to be married to only one woman and spiritually married to the remainder. What kind of man wants four wives? I’m still trying to get use to the idea of one…
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Just Ran Across My Mind...Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama is not as beautiful as you folks make her out to be. I’m tired of seeing her on Essence every other month and people talking about her like she’s Pam Grier or something; actually she’s a little weird looking to me. But hey, that’s just me…

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In Search of...Morris Chestnut


Morris Chestnut is sitting on his couch plotting to kill Idris Elba. When was the last time you saw this brother? I remember when the ladies were drooling over this brother? Back during The Best Man days, he was singlehandedly keeping dark-skinned brothers afloat. Then came “The Wire” and gone was Morris. Not only gone from the radar of the ladies, but completely off the map in Hollywood and its chocolate suburbs. What was the last movie he was in, Not Easily Broken? T.D. Jakes ruined his career!

There doesn’t seem to room for him anywhere, Tyler Perry loves the lighter brothers, with the exception of that poorly acting fellow on one of those horrible minstrel shows he has. I almost feel like he should have Boris Kodjoe's part on "Undercovers", or at least a reality show on TVOne. But seriously, this is how we treat someone who we’ve grown up with? He was Ricky yall, remember those tears you shed when he got blasted in the back by that jheri curl rocking dude.

At the turn of the century he was swapping roles with Taye Diggs because there was work, but nowadays, there’s work at the post office. He was behind the scenes on Takers, in front of the camera on “V” (who knew), and now out of mind. Someone get me his agent on the phone, I got an idea…
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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Crazy Things White People Do: Walk 60 Miles in 3 Days

Yeah, she’s White and she’s a little crazy, but my homegirl Amber Lange is gearing up for something inspiring this weekend; a 60-mile walk in Atlanta, GA to raise awareness, support and money for Breast Cancer research, victims and survivors. Read the facts below, and then click the link to donate to her team today! You never know, you could be saving your own life!

This Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will be joining thousands of other women (and men), survivors and supporters as we all walk 60 miles through the Atlanta area. We are doing this to raise money and bring awareness to breast cancer and the impact is has on all of us. Even if you don’t know anyone who is a breast cancer victim or survivor, which is rare these days, these numbers are enough to motivate anyone to get involved and help find a cure:

• About 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer will occur among women in the United States during 2010. An estimated 39,840 women will die from breast cancer this year.
• Breast cancer is the most common cancer among African American women. It is also the second leading cause of cancer death among African American women, exceeded only by lung cancer.

As you can see from the graph below, more white women get breast cancer but more black women die from it.



So what can you do to help? If you don’t feel like signing up for a 60 mile walk anytime soon, I have a much easier solution…give me some of your money! I don’t care which one of my great uncle’s grandfather three times removed is on the bill, I will take $20 or $200! (And to be clear, you are giving your money to Komen for the Cure, which is the world's largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists. We are fighting to save lives, empower people, ensure quality care for all and energize science to find the cures. Thanks to events like the Komen Race for the Cure® and the Komen 3-Day for the Cure, the organization has invested more than $1.5 billion to fulfill its promise, becoming the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to the fight against breast cancer in the world.)


Click here to donate today!


Thanks in advance,
Amber (Teef’s favorite crazy white girl!)
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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Hump Day Song of the Week: Ne-Yo "One in a Million"

One thing is for certain/Whatever you do is working...

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Casualties of War

A View from the Couch

The candles are lit; the sheet has been signed with three words that follow more names than junior or high school graduate these days…rest in peace. Just like that, there’s another casualty in the war on Urban America, because someone lost a fight against six bullets, because someone lost a fight. Life over before he was old to enough to vote. Dead before he could drink, smoke or join the military, yet he enrolled in an infantry long before the high school graduation that never came.

The remaining soldiers mill around aimlessly, not scared straight by the death of a comrade by friendly fire, not concerned with the example they set for their followers, just chasing the next cipher as two mothers cry. The one behind the gun had lived even less and though he will live longer, life will never be the same. So one day as they pour out some liquor and smoke what they call life away, they’ll try to find their friends…but they’ll be blowing in the wind.

R.I.P. Aziz


Who Killed Little Boy

Royalty | Myspace Video
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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

This Ad is Sponsored by the Rent is Too Damn High Party

I got my gloves and my rent is too damn high!

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I'm Disappointed in America: Teach: K-Ci & JoJo Come Clean

Back in ’92 we were all Jodeci fans. That is, if you weren’t such a hardcore Boyz II Men fan that you weren’t allowed to be a fan of both. We all rocked to “Come & Talk to Me”, “Feenin’”, “Freek N’ You” and the rest of the cuts, but 18 years of drug and alcohol abuse later…do I need to see them on Reality TV? Hellllllllllllllllllll to the naw! But here they are on my TV as I type talking about they’re drunks. What about the coke? The dope? Yall are off that and just boozing these days? Negroes please!

Remember that video of JoJo passing out on stage last year? I thought that wasn’t the lowest point, but I’m sure they are going to the abyss in the next few weeks. I know you’ll be watching, I won’t, but hundreds of thousands of your cousins are going to tune in week-after-week because they have nothing better to do with their time. As for me, I’m going to listen to “Forever My Lady” and remember K-Ci and JoJo for what they were…because these ripple drinking niggas on TV I can do without!

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You Ain't Gotta Guess Who's Back!

A week-long fight with food poisoning, a two day battle with writer’s block, one day walking the streets of NYC, a broken flash drive and a glass of sangria has brought me back to life, back to reality (no TV). I was tempted to discuss those loud broads in Atlanta, but deferred. The BET Hip-Hop Awards almost got me, but I boycotted. So I formulated my thoughts in Ralph Lauren and started working my way back to you. Hopefully I’m still welcomed in your world, if not, I’m thuggin’ my way through!
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Sunday, October 10, 2010

I'm Disappointed in America: Teach: Tony Danza

Once again the imps have gotten together and found another way to attempt to destroy me. This time in the form of the new A&E reality series, “Teach: Tony Danza”, yeah, Tony Danza. The show places Danza in a tenth grade English class teaching Philadelphia’s babies. Granted, Danza has a degree in History that he earned nearly 40 years ago, but after 35 years in show business and no time in the classroom, this can’t be a good idea. Who thinks of these things?

Even more, what parent signs their kid up to be taught by the guy from “Who’s the Boss”? Seriously, what value is placed on education when you entrust a year of learning to a gimmick? I’ve railed against Reality TV for the better part of five years, but this is different because these kid’s futures are being sacrificed for ratings, exposure and really, stupidity. But what’s done is done and is now available for your viewing consumption…is he allowed to write hall passes?
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They Should've Never Gave You Niggas Money

A few weeks ago President Obama proclaimed that the recession is over, but by the numbers we have a long way to go; 14.8 million Americans are out of work, 45 million find the poverty line too high to get over and gas is slowly creeping towards $3 a gallon. While millions of Americans are over extending themselves to make ends meet, a few millionaires made news as a result of their fiscal irresponsibility last week and each case made me shake my head and think, they should’ve never gave you niggas money!

For the second time in 12 years, Toni Braxton has filed for bankruptcy, citing that she may have up to $50 million in debt. $50 million? How do you rack up that much debt? This woman has sold over 40 million records, toured the globe, had successful runs on Broadway and in Vegas, but never learned to balance her checkbook. The first time she filed for bankruptcy I could understand, she had been new in the business, her contract probably sucked and her expenses were higher than her income at the time. OK, you do the paperwork, pay what you owe and then vow to never make the same mistake twice.

Not Toni! She sold three million albums, hit the road, sold more records, went to Broadway, got married, had babies, went to Vegas, got sick, got healthy, made music, danced with the stars, made another album and apparently spent money at every stop! But one thing, she doesn’t seem to like paying her bills. I feel you on that Ms. Braxton, but my pot of money is much smaller than yours, I gotta rob Peter to pay Paul some months, not stick Tiffany and her company for some ice I purchased. You can’t blame accountants this time around, because you should’ve learned the first go round, you’re just living a lifestyle that either you can’t afford or just can’t manage. She even owes the DMV in Cali some cash! She estimates her worth at somewhere between $1 million and $10 million, but has upwards of $50 million owed to a litany of creditors and Uncle Sam.

Uncle Sam was pretty busy last week as he made a stop around Philly for rapper Beanie Sigel. The Broad Street Bully was charged with income tax evasion last week for failing to report nearly $1.5 million made between 2003-2005. His lawyer contests the amount reported by prosecutors and is using the argument that his client was incarcerated for chunks of that time, so others were responsible for his money at the time. Beanie’s legal and financial troubles have made more news than his music in recent years, as he’s launched an assault in recent months against former boss, mentor and friend Jay-Z, seemingly fueled by his anger over the direction of his career, but most likely the lack of zeroes (or maybe the presence of too many zeroes) in his accounts have motivated his attacks. Just another case of a rapper living a multi-million dollar lifestyle on a $100,000 budget and not saving for a rainy day. You know niggas think the sun gonna shine forever!

What could you do with $54,896? Buy a house, pay college tuition, pay off your debt, loan it to Toni Braxton or Beanie Sigel? Well, if you’re Dez Bryant of the Dallas Cowboys, you paid that amount to feed your teammates. Back in training camp Bryant refused to be hazed when teammate Roy Williams requested that the rookie carry his pads after practice and Williams vowed to teach the youngster a lesson. The incident became national sports news, but the result has become part of the balling out-of-control culture many aspire to live within. Bryant’s contract pays him roughly $2.5 million this season, but that’s a huge chunk for a lesson, especially since we know he’s probably already purchased a few cars, homes for the family, jewelry for the crew and tricked off a few dollars on these sack chasers.

He’s taking it all in the same stride he runs the 40 in, saying it was funny. Wait, funny? There are people starving a few miles from where you make your living and you think it’s funny? Sorry buddy, the extreme your teammates went to and the money wasted on that evening is not funny, quite sad actually. You play a sport that’s medically proven to shorten the lives of its participants and headed towards a work stoppage, but frivolous spending is funny to you, when I’m sure children in the neighborhood you grew up in can use a playground or textbooks. Better yet, when Jerry Jones has used you up and you become part of whatever the unemployment rate is that day, would that $55,000 still be funny? But I can’t tell people with millions of dollars how to spend their money, when I’m still trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents…
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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Hump Day Song of the Week: Erykah Badu "Didn't Cha Know"

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I Think I Made A Wrong Turn Back There Somewhere

A View from the Couch

Life has a strange way of slowing down just enough from time-to-time to take a mental picture and write 477 words about it. Like the snapshot I was able to capture when taking my trash out the other morning; a woman pregnant with her fourth child, wearing a wearied look, as her husband, no more than six months home from prison yelled at their children to speed up or walk to school. The look on her face said it all, “How did I get here?” as her children walked out of the house one by one in reverse chronological order.

Her only son burst through the door, jacket half-on, book bag half-closed, but he was fully charged as he ran past her and said something that sounded like “Bye mom”. Next up, was the middle child, a daughter the spitting image of her dad that looked the perfect schoolgirl part, with her uniform neatly assembled, glasses, pigtails and book bag. She stopped to kiss her mom and rub her belly before entering one of the family’s SUVs. Finally mom’s mini-me dragged herself through the door, wearing a look on her face too advanced for a 10-year-old, she’s already bitter and angry at the world for who knows what. She ignores her mom, throws me her usual look of disgust and walks past daddy’s please for her to speed up.

Our normal small talk shrinks as I zero in on her stomach and she watches what has become her life close the doors and drive off leaving her standing in the yard undoubtedly thinking that she made a wrong turn back there somewhere. Her husband is unemployed and a two-time felon, she’s underemployed and about to be a four-time mom, I don’t think this was her plan when she shook hands with the president of her college when she received her degree way back before she lost her smile.

We both watch the car disappear around the corner, take a glance at the clouds forming in the sky (no rainbow in sight), before we exchange greetings and she says to me, “Don’t have any kids.” I smile, nod and say, “I don’t plan on it”, as she places a hand on her hip, turns on her heels and makes her way back into the house and I make my way through my yard on the way to work.

I’m sure the next few minutes we both wondered how much different our lives could have been had we made different decisions in our younger days. Sure, I’ve made some wrong turns, but I’m good where I am. However, I’m sure the thought of trading in her husband and kids for a few morning smiles crosses her mind far more than I think of having a Teef Jr., but for that moment, we stopped to watch our emotions sway…
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Sunday, October 3, 2010

In Search of...O.J. Simpson


Oh yeah, he’s probably going to be in prison for the rest of his life…stay up Juice!
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I'm Disappointed in America: Family Feud


As a kid, I spent many half-hours watching “Family Feud” with my grandfather. He’d sit in his recliner, I’d sit on the couch and we’d laugh at the dueling families going blank on some of the easiest survey questions known to man. Back then the host was Richard Dawson or “The Kissing Cousin” as my grandfather called him, in reference to his penchant for kissing the female contestants on their cheek. Those were the good ol’ days and unlike “Jeopardy” or “Wheel of Fortune”, both of whom have maintained consistency at the host, the “Feud” has had a lot of turnover through the years and the show has suffered because of it.

The show has been cancelled and revived often over the last 25 years and each time with a new host. There’s been Ray Combs, Dawson again, Louie Anderson, Richard Karn from “Home Improvement”, John O’Hurley and now, my main man Steve Harvey! Steve Harvey keeps a hustle and folks keep buying into them. From “The Steve Harvey Show” to The Original Kings of Comedy, his radio show to that God-awful book, he has been able to reinvent himself as many times as the show he now hosts.

However, this marriage may not last long, because Harvey is out of his element in this capacity. He doesn’t seem natural leading the game show and his interaction with the contestants seems forced. Not to mention those tacky ass suits and his toupee-free head make him hard to watch. You throw in how hard he reads the teleprompter and cards, and this show seems on the verge of cancellation before Thanksgiving. Then again, I thought his book was wack and that turned out to be a bestseller, so “Family Feud” may last and be a bonding moment for a boy and his grandfather for years to come.
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